Marriage and Retirement – Making the Most of Both Situations

Retirement brings so many excellent things to look forward to; sleeping in, eating out, traveling, finally controlling YOUR life and not being constrained by a work schedule. But with all the other planning responsibilities you have in front of you, considering the impact retirement brings to your relationship with your spouse, partner, or companion needs to be at the forefront of the planning decisions. We can help sort through the complexities with our article Marriage and Retirement – Making the Most of Both Situations.

We know retirement is a life-changing event and should not be readily dismissed. In our Planning for Retirement blog, we talk about what to do with yourself in this new phase and why planning is crucial. But so is what you will do with your significant other. Uncertainty can strain healthy marriages in the best of times, so finding yourself aimless with a lot of time on your hands can be a recipe for disaster. This article from Psychology Today reinforces our belief that early planning and open communication can be the best tools for maintaining strong ties with your partner. Here are other tips for you to consider dealing with marriage and retirement.

First things first – Bringing attention to your relationship

There’s one problem with marriage and retirement – time. It sounds crazy, right? You have more time than you know what to do with, and that could be a problem. Think about when you work, you can push aside your problems, including your marital difficulties, and not think about them. Add kids and active schedules and soon you bury yourself in the “busyness” of life and forget to look around you.

When you retire, that normal disappears, and now you must face your marriage, issues and all. Are you ready to face your potential problems and give your spouse the attention he/she wants? It can be an eye-opening period for you both, so prepare to talk it out. Set aside a time, maybe over a friendly dinner or a well-deserved weekend getaway, to start the conversation on what your expectations are. Be prepared to listen and understand that your spouse most likely has the same feelings and wants to be heard as well.

It’s understandable if this sounds tough, it can be. If you feel you need help, consider bringing in a neutral party to set some guidelines for safe communication. Counselors, close friends, trusted family, religious guides, these can all be people to help you through this first essential phase.

Talking about and setting your goals in retirement

Don’t keep your retirement goals a secret with your spouse. There is another party involved in your life – they need to know what you envision for yourself and how they play a part. They might not necessarily agree with it or have the same plans, but they need to know what you’re thinking, so you can start getting on the same page.

For example, what if your visions include traveling the world and taking on all the adventures you had to put aside while you worked, but your spouse envisions sitting around the house, playing the occasional golf game, and visiting with the grandkids? Those are two different plans for two people that live together – not a good setup if not planned for early and often.

Have that conversation on working

Retirement doesn’t mean holing up in your house and not seeing the outside world. It’s time to do what YOU want and honestly, some people still want to work. Maybe you’ve wanted to be a part-time financial planner, learn to program, start a diner or write a book. Chasing these daydreams might have been something you’ve always wanted, but it wouldn’t pay the bills. Retirement now allows you to explore those options and at the same supplement your income.

But where does your spouse stand on the issue? What are their plans or dreams? If your husband or wife is always talking about getting away and experiencing a fuller life, taking on a job may not be ideal for the marriage. They may be more than ready to leave the 9 to 5 behind so having your prospects out in the open long before you retire paves the way for a smooth transition.

Try something new together

Even though you’re married, you’ve both had your own ‘things’ before retirement, and you may be fully expecting to continue to pursue them afterwards. We’re not suggesting that you give up anything that makes you happy and content, by all means do what you love. But why not try new hobbies? Reinventing yourself can be a healthy undertaking, especially with your partner-in-crime. (Check out our blog on Making the Most of Your 50s) This could be a fantastic time to find a new hobby and discover fresh interests with your companion. Take it slow, find a happy medium and make sure no one feels suffocated or as if they must sacrifice to get their share of enjoyment.

Final Thoughts

Retiring with your significant other can be a rewarding and exciting time for you both! As with most other aspects of life, open and honest communication, a willingness to listen and accepting one another in the planning process builds that bridge to a stress-free transition. This can be the time to reawaken imagination in you both, so take full advantage of any opportunity and pursue those passions.

We hope that you’ve found some useful information on Marriage and Retirement – Making the Most of Both Situations. As always, if you don’t see something here you want us to cover, feel free to reach out to us directly through our Contact page or leave a comment below. All the best ~ Glen.